Jab
by MasqueradingVillain
Summary: A small jab about how everyone looks good in fanfics so here is some realism, please excuse the bad summary and genres. I don't own South Park it belongs to Matt Stone and Trey Parker.


**A/N: **_This is basically a jab at how in most stories the guys all look good, we all know that everyone doesn't look perfect like that and even if one person did not a whole school would. So here is Jab a small oneshot of realism. Enjoy!_

"Kyle, I don't care what you look like, I love you, does anything else matter?"

"Yes, Stan! I know that you'd rather be with someone who looks better than I do..." Kyle broke down into sobs, he'd been self-conscious for months but one trip to the mall a couple weeks ago changed that for the worse.

Stan and Kyle had been Christmas and Hanukkah shopping when they'd passed a stand that was selling acne cream, the lady just happened to pick on Kyle sending him into a frenzy of picking everything wrong with him out and making him hate himself.

"No, dude, I don't care that you don't have perfect skin, I don't have it either! How Kenny and Cartman managed to get away with it, especially with their lifestyles-being over eating and living in a dump-I don't know. Please, come out?" Stan begged, he'd been standing outside the school toilets for about an hour trying to get Kyle to come out after Cartman commented on an especially noticeable patch of freckles on the red-head's arm at lunch.

"Go away, I'm hideous!" Kyle shouted, Stan sighed and slid down the door.

"Y'know, there are worse looking people out there" The black-haired teen said, he had an idea where he was going with this but had to hope Kyle would bite.

"No, there isn't"

"What about meh? I got a way hotter bod than you do, Kahl" Stan said imitating Cartman, his impression of the fat boy had become quite convincing over the years.

"Fuck off, Cartman!" Kyle yelled from inside the room, he obviously didn't realise it was him. Stan smirked realising that he may be able to get him out faster than he thought.

"It's not mah fault I'm so good looking, I was born this way" He said, he could hear Kyle move around a bit from behind the door.

"You're nothing but a fat piece of shit!" Kyle shouted from behind the door, Stan decided that it was time for Cartman to leave.

"Screw you gahs, I'm going home" Stan stomped his feet to make it seem as if he was walking away.

"So, you think that Cartman is better looking?" He asked, he could tell the red-head was shaking his head against the door.

"No, I'm at least better than him. I mean he's fat and he has huge ears" Stan laughed at Kyle's comment and chose to make another South Park resident appear.

"I'm totally better looking than Broflovski" This time he was imitating Jason.

"Dude, you're balding and you have a giant nose. Everyone's better looking than you" Stan said to make it seem realistic, Kyle couldn't find out that he was imitating.

"Yeah, get outta here, Jason" Kyle said from behind the door, the jock again tapped his foot to make it seem as if the person had walked away. Stan continued doing this with Craig, Clyde, Francis, Bradley and some others. Each time Kyle and Stan found faults with them bringing Kyle to believe he was at least better than them.

"Okay, so I'm better than Dog Poo, that doesn't change anything, Stan" Kyle said from behind the door, Stan sighed, he had only one plan left.

"My hair is oily, I have acne across my forehead, my arms are monkey-like and very hairy, I have bags under my eyes from staying up studying with you and my big toe on my left foot is big, red and gross from an infection." Stan listed all the things he could think of, he was known around the school as good looking, nothing like Kenny apparently, and him picking out his faults wasn't something heard or seen often.

For ten minutes nothing was said or heard, Stan sunk down lower wallowing in his misery and the fact he couldn't get his super best friend (and secret boyfriend) to come out of the toilets because he feared he was ugly. He then heard shuffling from behind and perked up as he heard the door unlock, he stood up and hugged his tall friend.

"I have lots of freckles" Kyle said and then kissed Stan's cheek.

"My skin is pale and unclear" the red-head placed another kiss on the jock's other cheek.

"I have a hideous Jew-fro" Stan chuckled and Kyle kissed his nose.

"My eyes are a weird browny-green colour that reminds me of puke" Kyle pecked his boyfriend's forehead.

"My boyfriend is Stan Marsh" Kyle then went in and placed a sloppy, passionate kiss on Stan's mouth which he didn't hesitate to return.

"Stan, I love you. You picked out your own faults and others just to make me feel better" Kyle smiled and slipped his hand in Stan's.

"Kyle, I'll love you no matter what, but y'know all the voices were impressions, right?"

"Of course, you would've me convinced if it wasn't for the fake walking. But that was sweet of you, dude"

"Gay

"Fag"

"Jew-Fro"

"Red foot" The two boys laughed and walked out the school, they'd rather be ugly together than pretty apart.

**A/N:** _Did you like it? Hate it? Want to shoot it with an atomic tomato gun? Either way you read it and made it down to here, review button is below it's your choice if you press it because I don't mind either way. Hope you enjoyed this mediocre oneshot._


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